Excessive check-ins. If you are somewhere truly awesome, fine. But nobody cares that you are at Pet Smart buying cat food.
Food photographers. Once again, if you are truly somewhere awesome, fine. But your turkey sandwich is not impressive.
Cheesy motivational speakers. If one particular quote really speaks to you, fine. But those who post these all day long really need a hobby. I’ve also noticed that it’s usually the biggest disasters who are posting all of this motivational garbage. Practice what you preach!
Pregnancy TMI. Post a few belly pics and brief updates and leave it at that. While in labor, please spare us on the nasty up-to-the-moment updates on what is happening. Nobody cares how many centimeters your crotch is open or what is dripping out of it. Just let us know when the baby is here.
Parent TMI. We love cute kids, but we don’t care about every poop they take. 19 posts a day about their every move is not necessary.
Parent messages. “Mommy loves you soooo much.” Instead of posting on Facebook to a bunch of people who are not your kid, why not set up an e-mail account for them and send these messages there for them to read someday?
Ghost whisperers. I know it’s really sad when a loved one dies, but there is no reason to communicate with them, or wish them a happy birthday, through your Facebook status.
Vaguebookers. Defined by Urban Dictionary as “An intentionally vague Facebook status update that prompts friends to ask what’s going on, or is possibly a cry for help.” Either tell us exactly what happened or keep it to yourself.
Over-sharers. Your ex-boyfriend got arrested last night and you bailed him out of jail. While you’re ranting about what a loser he is, you look like just as much of a loser and I’m embarrassed for you.
Whiny complainers. Nobody cares that you’re tired, your stomach hurts or you’re stuck in traffic.
Political ranters. Facebook Gods, if you’re listening, please add a “hide political rants” button.
Chronic Inviters. I know you mean well, but I don’t want to support your cause, sign your petition, play Mafia Wars with you or take your quiz.
Hashtags. Facebook and Twitter are two different animals.
Timeline crybabies. The next time you’re angry at Facebook and want to write a nasty status update, stop to remember that it’s free and you willingly signed up for it- and you can cancel it at any time.
“Liking” for a cause. Money provides starving children in Africa with food and clean water- Not 5,000 likes.
Fighting couples. Your 800 friends don’t need to know that you guys aren’t getting along. Work it out amongst yourselves!